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rs-forever's Diaryland Diary


Anti religion I am.

I wish people would get beyond religious doctrine. I wish they could see the reasons in something a religion asks them to say, keep what makes sense and discard what does not. If I were Allah or God, I would fire Moses, Jesus and Mohammed for doing such a shoddy job with their religions. They forgot to tell people to think for themselves and call a spade a spade.

I do not care about what the religious people think if it did not wind up effecting my life. And so it does because my close family is religious bordering pseudo religious. I am _so_ happy that Ryan and his family are not religious at all. I am so happy that Ryan is an atheist down to his bones. Because this means that he can reason without using books or quotes from way back as crutches. I sometimes lack his clear reasoning because I was raised with some religious beliefs. I always thought it was bad to steal for the fear that I will go to Hell or be yelled at. This is because when I was very little, I was borrowing (or stealing) somebody's cricktet bat, when they yelled at me, and then my brother explained to me how I would go to Hell if I did that. I like to think one would not steal because that object is not rightfully theirs and they would hurt whoever they stole something from. Not for the fear of an invisible God, and not for the fear of being caught - which both translate to the fear of being caught by somebody.

I am trying to have straight forward reasoning. I am trying to not be dramatic like most of my family. But it is so deeply ingrained, I wonder if I will ever be able to get rid of it.

Ryan and I were planning to visit my brother's family while my parents are visiting them too. Just because I wanted to introduce him to my brothers wife and children too, and meet my parents once again before they leave for India. But his wife says that we cannot visit them until we are married. Ryan ofcourse says that I should not not get to meet my family because of him, and he will not come, or if he does he will stay in a hotel. Speaking about straight forward reasoning :)

But ofcourse there will be something else that will come up, and then something else. Simply because Indians are so darned bored in this country for the lack of social drama. Sometimes they do not mind sacrificing some relationships just to get that thrill of having a show down of sorts.

I think we will still go. I will leave Thursday and stay with my parents until Saturday morning when Ryan arrives. Then we will walk around the city and stay in a motel until Sunday. This way I get to spend some time with my parents and Ryan and I get to be together over the weekend and hopefully my brothers wife feels like an idiot.

I feel sorry for my parents that they do not have control over who can visit them or not while they stay with my brother. They are better off in India then because atleast they can do as they please.

I suppose I am talking my fingers off about how upset I am with my brothers wife for handling things the way she does. Why should it matter if we are married or not. Will things drastically improve after we get married, given that she was a jerk before that?

I am upset that Ryan has to go through this drama too with me. Yesterday through some tears I told him he should be with a generic American girl called "Sarah Smith" and celebrate peaceful Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with her and have turkey dinners instead of putting up with my dramatic family. He thinks that is silly ofcourse because he does not care even about those holidays so much.

Nothing looks good on the job front either. I have thoroughly embarrassed myself by sending unsolicited emails asking about job openings. Ofcourse people get back and politely ask me to use the stupid career website the next time. But don't they know that all jobs are not posted on the career website and that you need to know people within the company.

I am thoroughly, completely disappointed with myself. And my brothers wife. And my brother for ever having married her. And I have something personal against religion. Any religion.

5:47 p.m. - 2010-01-19


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