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rs-forever's Diaryland Diary

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Gone :(

Ryan just left to live closer to Boston. I am miserable. My heart feels heavy and I am crying as I type this. I will see him tomorrow so this must sound absurd. I But it is not. In January I will move there too. For a month he will live in a hotel, and after that we both will move to some place more permanent. Meanwhile, I will visit him on weekdays, and he will visit me on weekends. I think I am a "basket case" like Allie said she would be when her boyfriend left for France.

I miss him so much. I love him so much. He is everything I have ever prayed for. I am so thankful each day. Everything is more meaningful with him. Right now the lights of 7-11 look cold and lonely. The closed barbecue place looks depressing. The tree with no leaves looks the loneliest. I feel like that tree. The moon is out, the marsh is lovely. But it's loveliness I cannot appreciate. The moonlight will just make me cry all over again I think. And the sight of only one car in the drive way will break my heart.

But atleast I will see him tomorrow. After the thesis defense. I hope the presentation goes well. I hope they pass me, and like my thesis too. I hope they can understand me, even if I pause in places different than the places they pause in while speaking. I hope they understand the words I say differently.

Kitty is here, I will practice my presentation to him once before I go to bed. After tomorrow afternoon, my heart will be light as a feather, and in he evening I will drive down Route 2 listening to the Cars and perhaps even singing along. And then I shall see a face that holds a light to my heart :)

12:23 a.m. - 2009-11-30

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